The Rules of War
by AlyxFyre
Summary: L has an... unusual... challenge for Light, which honestly shouldn't be too much of a surprise. But this challenge is strange, even for L. Will Light be able to make L eat a piece of sushi without using force? rated T for minor sexual themes and some cussing. advised for 14 . A birthday fic for Ciara Jaylin. Happy birthday, Jay-chan! COMPLETE


**To Jay-chan. Happy birthday! **

**~Alyx**

Light knows L is stubborn. He always has known. Honestly, anyone who isn't blind and stupid can see that.

Sometimes he wonders what he truly sees in the man.

Well, that's not true. L has that eccentric attractiveness, and that stubbornness… And that fascinating brain that Light can never tell is going to spout some new breakthrough in the case or mistakenly insist Light's Kira.

He's a brilliant man, which can make the relationship a challenge…

But Light has never been one to turn down a challenge, any challenge. Which L has in abundance.

But this one. Really?

"So, you're admitting you can't do it?" challenges L, hunching over his computer. He briefly looks at Light through long locks of raven hair.

"I never said that," Light counter. "I was just remarking this is an… unusual challenge."

Even for L.

"Even for me?" Light can hear a hint of humor in his boyfriend's tone.

Light smirks. _Oh, did he think that aloud?_ "Getting you to eat something besides sweets isn't normal, you have to admit."

L swivels in his chair to face his brunette boyfriend. "Watari is continually mourning my eating habits. He figured you'd enjoy the challenge of trying to get me to eat normal food. But I suppose he was wrong. You must be unable to do it, and don't want to confess."

Light raises an eyebrow, smirking. "Is that so? I bet you're saying that because you don't want to admit I could get you to do it."

L turns back to his computer. "Very well. I accept the challenge. But there are some stipulations…"

Light snorts. "Hold on. I don't seem to remember agreeing to this."

"Oh, so upon hearing about stipulations you become afraid? How expected."

… Damn. Light knows the raven-haired detective's goading him… but how can he resist _now_?

"Fine. L, I accept your challenge."

Now to find a piece of sushi…

**The Rules Of War**

"Ok, what do you think?" I place the roll on the table.

Matsuda blinks at it, then at me. "It's sushi." _No, thank you, Matsuda._ "I didn't know you liked sushi, Light!"

I resist the urge to slap him, then sigh. "I'm trying to make Ryuzaki eat some. He needs to eat more healthy foods, so I decided to try. Do you think it would work if I tied him up and shoved it down his throat?"

Matsuda smiles, thinking I'm joking. "Oh, you two are great friends, aren't you?"

I don't think Matsuda has realized L and I have been dating for the past two years. Or that L even has feelings.

"Yeah… so, do you know where he is?"

Matsuda tilts his head. "Oh, I think Ryuzaki said he'd be in his room, and to not disturb him. But since you two are so close, he ought to be fine with it, right? Oh, that reminds me, I meant to ask, what floor is your room on, Light-kun."

… He also doesn't realize that L and I are sharing a bedroom. No one ever accused him of being brilliant.

"Ok, thanks, Matsuda." As I turn to leave, Misa comes bounding into the room.

"Liiiiiight! Hi!" she says energetically. "What are you doing?" She prances over to Matsuda and kisses his cheek. "Hi, Matsuda! I've been really busy today, because my manager, that idiot, canceled my shoot, and didn't tell me! So I had to go clear it up, but luckily it's ok, because I had some stuff I needed to buy but didn't have time to this weeknd…"

I begin to back away slowly. _Who showed Misa where we kept the coffee?_

"So I totally got mobbed by these people who wanted my autograph! My day's been good, otherwise!"

Matsuda is nodding and grinning at her. Like he has been ever since they started dating three weeks ago. "That's good, Misa! What'd you get?"

She begins prattling about some new outfit she had to buy for some stupid shoot of hers as I turn and exit the room.

If there was ever a reason I'm gay… its name is Misa Amane.

**The Rules Of War**

"Hey, L," I call out as I walk into our room, carrying the sushi.

He's crouched on a chair, the desk in front of him literally covered with the wrappers of all his sweets. I brush some into the wastebasket, wrinkling my nose.

I thought I'd locked those up… Did he pick the lock?

Again.

"Having a problem with the case?" I ask, placing the plate of sushi on the only clear spot of the table.

L frowns and unwraps a piece of caramel, tossing the wrapper to join its comrades. "No. I am simply at an impasse. I cannot prove that you are Kira, even though I know you are. It is frustrating to say the least. And there are no other clear suspects, besides Amane-san. But she couldn't have been both Kiras… So I am frustrated…" he trails off, nibbling his thumb.

I recline on our bed, resting my chin on its unmade sheets. "Hey, I have an idea."

L flips a page in his notebook. "Does it have anything to do with the case? Because I dislike taking walks, I don't need a shower, my eating habits are acceptable, and we had intercourse just last night."

I launch to a seated position. "L! What the hell are you talking about?"

"You were using the tone of voice that usually means you're about to suggest something I dislike, or that you're going to talk me into something. Either way, I have no spare time. Would you hand me that USB drive, Light-chan?"

I pick it up and toss it at him. He catches it with two fingers, per normal. "Actually, my idea did have something to do with the case."

He peeks at me over his shoulder. "It… does?" his voice is skeptical.

"You know, all the sugary food you eat don't have the necessary proteins and calories to sustain brain activity for very long. If you ate something more nutritious, it would help your brain activity to rise."

L abandons his work to swivel in his chair and look at his boyfriend. He pushes his desk chair just a little too hard, and it bumps him into the side of his desk, and back to center. All the while, he's piercing me with that slightly unnerving gaze of his.

I swear, if the Grim Reaper himself stalked up to L, L would stare at him with that same glare… and the reaper would run away in terror.

"Did you seriously expect my resolve to be swayed by that argument? How unlike you. Light-chan, how much sleep did you receive last night? If you were over-exhausted, you should have said something. You don't take in enough nutrition to be able to compensate for extreme lack of sleep, and I seem to have been keeping you up for the last few nights…"

"RYUZAKI!" I growl through gritted teeth. "Can we please discuss something besides our… relations?"

Sometimes I think L mentions those… _things_ just to see me flustered. He did the same thing when he first learned I was gay… he wouldn't stop the thinly veiled references for three weeks.

"Why, Light-chan, am I making you uncomfortable?" L's voice is decidedly sarcastic.

"N… no! I just… stop distracting me, we were talking about your eating habits," I splutter, trying to regain my footing in the conversation. "See, the reason you have to eat so much is because your eating habits are terrible, and leave you lethargic."

L turns back to his computer. "I'm not lethargic at all. What makes you say that, Light-chan?"

I sit on his desk, knocking wrappers onto the already messy floor. "L-kun. You're kidding, right? I've seen sloths that are more active than you."

"Unlike sloths, which sleep around ten hours a day, I only sleep three hours a week, so I do not have as much energy for hopping around like Misa." L taps at his keyboard. "But the work I do requires extreme concentration. And therefore I need the high calorie content of the sweets to function."

"But wouldn't it be better if you had something with more substance than just sugar?" I try, feeling my well-planned attack crumble away from me.

_Damn him. He _has _been keeping me up too late._

L takes some sugar cubes from the bowl and begins stacking them as he frowns. "Doubtful, as the sugar has the highest calorie amount… Light-chan, please get up. You're sitting on my notes." He reaches out toward the stack of wrappers I'm currently crushing.

"You wrote notes… on sweet wrappers?"

"Watari-san has been insisting I get some sleep, and therefore refuses to give me my papers or my files. So I've been resorting to… unconventional methods. I had to sneak onto the computer." He delicately lifts his tower of sugar cubes and attempts to drop the whole stack in his mouth. "By the way, when you get a chance… Could you get Watari-san out of the closet? He got stuck in there. By accident. When he attempted to make me sleep."

"L!"

**The Rules Of War**

I sigh, staring into my coffee cup like it's the dark well of eternity.

Quite possibly, it is. I've been sipping it for the past four hours and it's only halfway empty. I never have finished any cup of coffee I get when L and I come here…

I absentmindedly run a finger across its red brim, meditating on my plans.

Three subsequent plans, all of which failed. I was unable to trick L into eating it (I thought disguising the sushi as a sweet was rather smart), or to force him to (since it went against the "rules" and he locked me in a closet), or to get him to eat it because I'd frosted it with sugar (he looked at me like I'd suggested he enjoyed wearing rainbow-colored unicorn pajamas).

I was out of ideas… almost out of time… and my coffee was cold.

Oh well. I prefer my coffee with honey anyway.

After I'd been considering leaving the coffee shop for three minutes, I heard an extremely obvious fake cough. It sounded like someone was trying to regurgitate a dolphin figurine.

I turned. "Misa. What a… surprise… to see you here."

There she stood, smiling at me like I had a million dollars to give her. "Hey, Light!" She plopped onto the chair beside mine.

"What are you doing here?"

She pouted. "Ryuzaki, that idiot, said that he needed Matsie-kun to help him figure something out. Then he looked at me and said to get out. I hate that pervert! I'm almost sure he watches me change."

Doubtful, since he prefers watching me take showers… I yank my mind off that track and blink. "Matsie-kun? Who…?"

Oh. Matsuda. Of course.

Naturally, 'Matsie' is the best nickname for 'Matsuda'.

"So, what's up, Light? We haven't talked since you dumped me for the pervert and shoved me out of the train onto the platform." She delivers this whole accusation with a photo-worthy smile etched on her face.

"I only did that because you were attempting to pull Ryuzaki's hair out and wouldn't stop."

Misa shrugs, taking out her phone. "Well, I had to get revenge on him somehow for stealing you!" She taps out a text with her pink fingernails, then smiles at me. "One sec. My manager's asking something."

I sigh and lift my coffee. _Ugh, cold._ Then I have an idea.

"Hey, Misa. I'm having a… problem. Of sorts."

She drops her phone into her tote and blinks up at me. "Oh? What kind?"

"Well… Ryuzaki gave me a challenge, and today is the last day to complete it. But I'm out of ideas…"

Misa pulls out a tube of lipstick and begins to apply it with firm but elegant strokes. "What kind of a challenge? I need to know the particulars if I'm gonna help!"

"Well… he said I couldn't get him to eat normal food, but I know I can. So I have to try to get him to eat some before midnight tonight. But I can't use force. Once he has it in his mouth, however, he has to eat it."

She raised an eyebrow and put her lipstick back. "Wow… you two have weird contests. But… hmm… Ok. So, you _have_ assessed what would make Ryuzaki most likely to eat it, right? Ryuzaki's kind of weird, loves anything sweet, and is a pervert. He also loves you, loves kissing you, don't have many emotions, and prefers French kissing to normal kissing. Plus, he likes fruit flavored candies better than chocolate ones. So where does that leave us?"

I blink. _Hey… that's… that assessment sounds a lot like…_

"Now, the key is speed. Ryuzaki's pretty smart, and pretty fast. So you'll need to be on your toes for opportunities to surprise him. Watch when he looks like he's not paying attention. That'll be your best shot, so plan to do it during those times. But don't be afraid to adapt your plan to the situation!

"Lastly, the best thing to do would be to outright trick L into getting it in his mouth. 'When we are able to attack, we must seem unable; when using our forces, we must appear inactive; when we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away; when far away, we must make him believe we are near,' and all that."

…No. Just… just no.

Misa Amane did _not _just quoteSun Tzu's _The Art Of War_.

Running a hand through her blonde hair, Misa stands and grabs whatever low-calorie, super-light, unsweetened drink she got. "Hey, sorry, but I have to go, Light-kun. Call me later? I'm free tonight."

"Misa, I'm with Ryuzaki. You know, I'm taken?" I signal the waitress over to take my coffee away.

"Well, yeah, but who would want to be with that jerk forever? Oops, gotta go now, bye!"

With a last parting chirp, Misa flutters from the room, leaving several shocked people asking, "Was that… Misa-Misa?"

I shake my head and walk out of the coffee shop.

**The Rules Of War**

By the time I get back to the Task Force's center, it's so late I head straight to our room. L is already there, crouching on the bed with his laptop balanced on his knees.

"Where did you go today?" he asks, glancing up without a customary greeting.

"Coffee shop. I ran into Misa and we talked for a bit." I shrug off my jacket and walk into our closet.

"Did you hurt her?" I hear L follow me in.

"Hurt her? How would I hurt… oh, very funny. I _met_ Misa at the coffee shop. She called you a pervert again."

L reaches into his pocket and pulls out a lollipop. "Is that unusual? I seem to recall that exact phrase appearing in nearly every mention of me."

I shrug as I pull off my shirt and exchange my pants for gym shorts. Then I turn and grin. "Hey, I forgot something. I'll be back."

I squeeze past L and head out to the kitchen, where I grab a piece of sushi wrapped in plastic. I slide into my… erm, I _hide it on my person_, then head back to bed.

L is slouching on the bed, reading another file. He looked incredibly tired, even more so than usual.

"Hey, L," I drawl. I cross to the bed and sit next to him. _Right_ next to him.

He peers at me from over the top of his folder. "L… Light? What are you doing?"

"Just saying good night to my boyfriend," I purr, my hands trailing… um, _somewhere_ along L's anatomy, causing him to blush.

"One moment, Light-chan," he hesitates, turning to place his lollipop on the dresser.

I scramble to get out the sushi, and pop a half of the piece into my mouth.

L turns back to me. "Now, wha—ah…" he moans as I attach my mouth to his.

L's weakness is French kissing?

Thank you, Misa Amane.

He moans as I open my mouth a little bit… and I shove the sushi into his mouth with my tongue.

I pull back and whisper, "I won."

L is too busy swallowing to reply. Then he stares at me in shock. "You… you won. This is impossible. I was defeated." He almost goes into a coma from the shock, until I turn his chin towards me with the tip of my finger.

I smirk a tiny bit. "Hey, since I won… don't I get a prize?"

Suddenly my boyfriend tackles me, hovering over me on the bed. "Oh, you want to know what the prize is for winners?"

I smirk up at him, even though I'm pretty sure he's going to say something terrible. Right now, I don't even care.

Go ahead, try it. It'll be worth it. I won.

He smiles briefly before murmuring, "The winner… gets to be on top."

**The Rules Of War**

"So, how'd it go?" Misa asks the next day.

I smile as I pour myself a cup of tea. Then I pretend not to hear her as I stir in some honey.

"Light! What happened? Did you win? Light!" she shrieks, her voice loud enough to deafen a person in America.

L enters the room, shuffling more than usual. He carefully lowers himself onto a chair. His neck is marked with a light blue bruise.

He also looks more awake and happier than I've seen in a while.

I smirk at Misa, who's flailing for the details.

"Nah… L beat me. But I'll get him next time." As I walk to sit next to Matsuda, I happen to glance at L.

L's dark eyes shoot to meet mine.

And his pale lips twitch into the smallest hint of a smile.


End file.
